I flew into New York City for the first time last week and was stunned by the impact that city can make on you, even from the sky. I was in awe, taking photo after photo. Our week there only confirmed that first impression. But I thought about articles I’ve read lately on ‘making a good first impression’ on people that focused only on superficial attributes, as if people somehow fly over you from a distance. One stressed that new employees should have a neat desk, another that you should wear ‘strong’ colours. But is that really how we make an impression on people?

I’d contend that nine times out of ten it’s the quality of our interaction that leaves a lasting impression. Sure, dressing well is ok. But the most powerful impressions, for better or worse, usually come down to how the other person perceives you are relating to them. Did they seem rude? Easy to talk to? Preoccupied? Insincere? Confident?

Too often while we’re focusing on looking the part or saying the right things, the other person is thinking to themselves, “You lost me at hello”. So let’s get beyond dressing for success and harness the power of quality conversations to make not just an impression, but a connection.

1. Be Interested

It doesn’t get more fundamental than this and I must confess it’s an area I’ve had to work on. What I excused as just part of my ‘focused’ personality type for many years actually left people feeling like I was uninterested in them. Ouch. The truth is… people are interesting. But the choice to truly engage in those opening moments of a conversation can make or break all that follows.

2. Ask Questions

If the best you’ve got is “So, what do you do?” then you’ve got work ahead. If your questions can be answered with cookie-cutter clichés then you aren’t asking quality questions. Remember the goal is to create a connection, not just a forgettable conversation. Where might questions like “What’s your background?” or “What do you find most rewarding about your work?” lead a conversation?

3. Listen Intently

As executive coaches we’re trained to listen not only for what is said, but also for what is not said. For many of us, listening is a discipline we need to work on. It’s much more than being quiet while thinking about what to say next. Truly listening to another human being is a way of placing value on them. And if you’re in sales or service you can guarantee that the inability to listen will cost you dearly.

4. Be Genuine

I met some people recently who wanted to know more about what I do. I shared first and after I discussed my values one of them said, “You mentioned authenticity. What does that mean for you?” I answered that it was what I had just done- freely talking about who I am, what I’m about and what I do… before I know whether that’s what they are looking for.

5. Be Interesting

I personally believe that every person is interesting, but we do ourselves a real disservice when we don’t consider what other people might find intriguing about us. Instead of rattling off the same old stuff in conversations why not take it up a gear. “Actually, what I’m really passionate about is…” (insert cause/ problem/ solution/ dream here).

This week… hone the skills of memorable first conversations.

I’d love to hear your comments and feedback

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My first car was a Datsun 240K – complete with rally clips to hold the bonnet down (OK, it never got anywhere near fast enough to require them) and a kill switch that was identical to the air conditioning switch (as I first discovered while doing 110km/hr on the freeway). I remember wondering why the car seemed to pull to the right side of the road if I didn’t concentrate, and what the strange shaking & shuddering at high speeds was all about. The first service revealed I had an alignment problem. Even worse for a part-time waiter, it had worn out my tyres well before their time.

I see those same symptoms in so many teams… Unexplained tendencies in the team to get off course for no apparent reason. Results and relationships getting bumpy as the team moves forward and increases momentum. People burning out and getting tired long before reaching their capacity. For the wise leader these are signs that it’s time for an alignment check.

So could I suggest some aspects of your team or organisation that need regular alignment checks?

1. Vision and Values
One of the businesses I love to work with as a coach and speaker is Gloria Jean’s Coffees. Spend five minutes with them and you’ll discover that their ‘vision, mission and values’ are the yardstick against which they measure every activity and decision. The values have become embedded in the language of the organisation, constantly reshaping their current reality. By contrast far too many organisations are content to have their values be nothing more than some glib clichés on the company website which make no difference to the way we do business every day. So when do you last thoroughly realign your team against the vision and values you proclaim? Could they even articulate them?

2. Priorities and Plans
One of the fastest ways to burn out your team is to have conflicted priorities and plans. How closely does your actual activity this week relate to what you say your priorities and plans are? Where this really becomes clearest is when you start to pick up speed. The truth is that many teams would fall apart if they achieved the growth they’re hoping for. The faster you go the more critical alignment will become. On the runway you can get away with the door of the plane being open, but not at 30,000ft and 900km/hr. Are you ready to get ruthless with your own priorities and plans and get you and your team ready for the next level?

3. Your Customer’s Experience
Alignment affects your customers too. So what is the true experience of those who use your products or services… start to finish? You say you are all about results/ service/ relationships/ value/ quality/ innovation/ social responsibility. But what do people really experience when they interact with you and your team? I’m currently changing merchant facilities even though my current provider works well for me. Clunky forms, strange processes, ambiguous payments – I’m changing because the experience for my clients doesn’t line up with what I say Innovation Coaching is about. What would happen if you analysed the brutal facts about your customer experience and set about realigning everything that’s out of place?

It isn’t glamorous, but working on alignment might just save your team and prepare you for exponential growth.

I’d love to hear your comments and feedback
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