You Lost Me At Hello

Posted on 23. Aug, 2009 by Paul Andrew in Communication, The Leadership Coach™

I flew into New York City for the first time last week and was stunned by the impact that city can make on you, even from the sky. I was in awe, taking photo after photo. Our week there only confirmed that first impression. But I thought about articles I’ve read lately on ‘making a good first impression’ on people that focused only on superficial attributes, as if people somehow fly over you from a distance. One stressed that new employees should have a neat desk, another that you should wear ‘strong’ colours. But is that really how we make an impression on people?

I’d contend that nine times out of ten it’s the quality of our interaction that leaves a lasting impression. Sure, dressing well is ok. But the most powerful impressions, for better or worse, usually come down to how the other person perceives you are relating to them. Did they seem rude? Easy to talk to? Preoccupied? Insincere? Confident?

Too often while we’re focusing on looking the part or saying the right things, the other person is thinking to themselves, “You lost me at hello”. So let’s get beyond dressing for success and harness the power of quality conversations to make not just an impression, but a connection.

1. Be Interested

It doesn’t get more fundamental than this and I must confess it’s an area I’ve had to work on. What I excused as just part of my ‘focused’ personality type for many years actually left people feeling like I was uninterested in them. Ouch. The truth is… people are interesting. But the choice to truly engage in those opening moments of a conversation can make or break all that follows.

2. Ask Questions

If the best you’ve got is “So, what do you do?” then you’ve got work ahead. If your questions can be answered with cookie-cutter clichés then you aren’t asking quality questions. Remember the goal is to create a connection, not just a forgettable conversation. Where might questions like “What’s your background?” or “What do you find most rewarding about your work?” lead a conversation?

3. Listen Intently

As executive coaches we’re trained to listen not only for what is said, but also for what is not said. For many of us, listening is a discipline we need to work on. It’s much more than being quiet while thinking about what to say next. Truly listening to another human being is a way of placing value on them. And if you’re in sales or service you can guarantee that the inability to listen will cost you dearly.

4. Be Genuine

I met some people recently who wanted to know more about what I do. I shared first and after I discussed my values one of them said, “You mentioned authenticity. What does that mean for you?” I answered that it was what I had just done- freely talking about who I am, what I’m about and what I do… before I know whether that’s what they are looking for.

5. Be Interesting

I personally believe that every person is interesting, but we do ourselves a real disservice when we don’t consider what other people might find intriguing about us. Instead of rattling off the same old stuff in conversations why not take it up a gear. “Actually, what I’m really passionate about is…” (insert cause/ problem/ solution/ dream here).

This week… hone the skills of memorable first conversations.

I’d love to hear your comments and feedback

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Tags: Communication, Executive Coach, Executive Coaching, Leadership Coaching, Leadership Development, Leadership Training, Personal Development

14 Responses to “You Lost Me At Hello”

Grant Herbert

24. Aug, 2009

Hi Paul

This would have to be the most down to earth rendition of a leadership principles blog article I have ever read. Well done mate. I look forward to your first book!

Cheers

Grant Herbert

The People Builder

[Reply]
Kate Wagland

24. Aug, 2009

Hi Paul,

Great way for me to start the day- thank you. There is so much to be said about being truly heard, I find the clients of my financial advisory business are so much more committed to their goals when they feel a deep sense of emotional connection but more importantly that we understand thier emotional connection to the goal and not necessarily the tangible outcomes that look great on paper- and that is all about the beautiful questions to open it up! ‘interested is interesting.’
Have a fantastic day!

Cheers,

Kate

[Reply]
CARLY

24. Aug, 2009

LOVE THIS, LOVE IT, I HAVE PASSED ON TO MY SALES TEAM, THEY NEED TO GET THIS AS MUCH I DO…CANT WAIT TO SERVICE MY PEOPLE TODAY, THANKS FOR
YOUR COMMITMENT TO MAKING MY WORLD A BETTER PLACE

[Reply]
Sky Hunt

24. Aug, 2009

I love how your letters are so topical. Hope NYC did showed itself off to you!!

[Reply]
karen Horn

24. Aug, 2009

Hey there,
Long time no chat!
I think that this is a great practical reminder for any of us, so that we do make the most of the moments we have with the valuable people who are in our world. i will be using this to spur on the teams which i oversee.
Love it!

PS Sounds like NY was heaps of fun!

[Reply]
Ajit Sivaram

25. Aug, 2009

hey there paul,
dunno if u remember me.. i went to hillsong college in 2000-2003.. also did one internship at YOuth Alive under you for a few months.. =) am now youth pastor at a church in bangalore.. love yr leadership principles.. they are super easy to apply.. i send them out to our youth leadership team too.. know that you r making a difference in our lives on the other side of the world too..

great stuff.. keep going..
=)
ajit
ps – NY was my fav place in the d US too.. =) took like a gazillion pics while i was there..

[Reply]
Unbreakable

25. Aug, 2009

Great Post.

I can relate with the whole being focused bit, my first impression suck most of the time. i tend to come across as arrogant.

Im sure this might sound simple but that whole asking questions my hardest part to get my mind around, sometimes i just freeze. Do you have any hints on how to learn how to ask better questions so i can become more Interested?

[Reply]
Bronwyn clee

30. Aug, 2009

Paul
How refreshing! I thoroughly agree with you – it is when we stand strong in our own strength and remain our own authentic self that we truly are present and able to connect with those around us. thanks so much for the reminder and of course, for the tips.
regards
Bronwyn

[Reply]
Barry Southgate

02. Mar, 2010

Love this, Paul. Truth!

B

[Reply]
Alicia Jarrett

16. Mar, 2010

Hey Paul!

Great article and very relevant for anyone in business. Have sent onto my leadership team as ‘thought for the day’ which I know they’ll love!

Really love the point about asking something better than “so, what do you do?” as I have experienced when asking a better question, you always get a better and even more interesting answer!

Cheers,
Alicia

[Reply]
Eryka

16. Mar, 2010

Paul,

This is the first ‘Coaching’ related newsletter that actually grabs my attention. So down to earth, witty and relevant.

It’s inspiring to see someone that’s come out of TCI and doing something different!
I’m certainly drawing inspiration from this for my own coaching business.

Thanks and keep up the extraordinary work.
Enjoy NY!

[Reply]
Paul Andrew Reply:
March 16th, 2010 at 10:27 am
Thanks so much Eryka – I love to hear that these articles are cutting through the ‘noise’ out there and really helping leaders on the front lines.
Cheers
Paul

[Reply]

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