It’s said like an insult… “You’ve changed!”

Perhaps you were in a conversation with a lifelong friend or a family member. Something you did or said wasn’t quite what you always used to do or say. And then out it comes, with a hint of disgust… “You’ve changed!”

Here’s the problem: if you want to reach your potential in life or leadership you have to change.

Those jibes might be subtle or even well meaning. Yet they still reinforce a fundamental mindset that in order to be “true”, “authentic” or “fair dinkum” (for the Aussies!) we should always be how we’ve always been.

The opposite phrase is just as much of a problem. Why is it generally considered a compliment when we say to someone, “You haven’t changed a bit”?

If you haven’t seen me in ten years and you say to me, “You haven’t changed a bit” that might just be the lowest insult of all.

The inability or unwillingness to change is the path to extinction. If your clothes, your business strategy, your cell phone or your website are still “staying true” to how the world was ten years ago, prepare for extinction.

Let’s reverse the trend. This week find three people who’ve changed for the better and compliment them by saying “You’ve changed!”

I’d love to hear your comments and feel free to use the links below to share this article with others

——————–——————
Paul Andrew is Founder of The Leadership Coach™

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Over breakfast recently I was discussing the journey of leadership with a new friend when he described himself as a “Recovering Affirmation Addict”. Just quietly, so am I.

Reflecting on my own past as a world-class people pleaser, it was clear to both of us that we had not become truly effective as leaders until we had broken that self-sabotaging mindset.

Of course receiving affirmation should be a perfectly normal and positive thing. We all need some encouragement from time to time. A healthy team should point out people’s successes and remind them of their value as an individual.

But when a person allows insecurity or a feeling of inadequacy to rob them of their sense of confidence and personal worth, then an Affirmation Addict can be born who craves encouragement to fill the void in their life.

Affirmation Addicts want a good thing for the wrong reason. And sadly, like all addictions, it brings dependance, then debilitation and even destruction if it continues to grow.

Affirmation Addicts receive less from their affirmation
Ironically the more emotionally needy you are, the less impact each encouragement tends to have. You need more encouragement, more times, with more adjectives, from more important people, in more public settings. The dosage gets higher and higher to give you the feeling you used to get from a simple compliment.

Affirmation Addicts get tainted encouragement.
Once those around you see the addiction in action, they begin to watch what they say. People mince their words, tell you what you want to hear, or embellish what they really mean. Their words get tainted by the complications that come with trying to navigate your brokenness.

Affirmation Addicts find their leadership gets compromised.
It’s hard to make the tough decisions when you need everyone to like you. All too often doing the right thing as a leader has nothing in common with doing what is popular. So the Affirmation Addict is torn in their leadership between ensuring the long-term success of those they lead and trying to meet their own short-term craving for praise.

Affirmation Addiction is like reversing your polarity.
Far from being attractive, the addiction reverses your magnetism and repels the very things you hope to attract. It’s as though there is an invisible energy field around you pushing people away.

So, take it from a leader who got clean a while back. You can be free… you can comfortable in your own skin… and you can make your relationship uncomplicated again… by breaking the addiction.

I’d love to hear your comments and feel free to use the links below to share this article with others
Paul Andrew is Founder of The Leadership Coach™
He is a Keynote Speaker and Management Consultant based in New York

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I have a love/hate relationship with IKEA. On the one hand they sell exceptionally cost-effective furnishings that can often look good for the price. On the other hand I so often find that the frustration of dealing with their products overshadows the money I save.

Take the shelving system I bought last weekend for example: they didn’t include the screws needed for attaching the shelves. Worse though, when I opened the “instructions” what I actually found was simply a picture of the parts and then a picture of the finished product. No steps. What could have been a simple assembly process turned into trial and error, hours of aggravation, and the inevitable discovery at the end that I had some pieces left over whose purpose remains unknown.

• As a leader, is your vision an “IKEA instructions experience” for your team?
• Do people around you seem to spend a lot of time trying to clarify what you see or what they’re supposed to achieve next?
• Do you convey a big picture outline sketch of the finished product you see, then direct people back to a list of resources and leave them to “figure it out”?
• Do projects take much longer than you think they should?

Maybe this is an opportunity to ask whether or not you’re taking the time to break it down for your team.

Like it or not, most team members need both the vision and the next steps. This is not about micro-managing. And it’s not an anti-vision message either. In fact, if you can’t show people a vision of what you’re trying to build then all the steps in the world may be nothing more than “busy work”… or as the old adage goes, “climbing the ladder, only to find it’s leaning against the wrong wall”.

But let’s face it – it’s faster and more fun to come up with ideas than it is to break those ideas down into a plan that people can actually execute. I’ve consulted with organisations that clearly had “vision fatigue” – the cumulative effect of endless ideas and initiatives that rarely get executed. Whether it’s you, or someone else whose gift is turning ideas into plans, don’t underestimate the price we pay for not translating all that possibility into steps our team can actually take.

So if there’s an aspect of your vision that seems to have stalled why not take some time this week with a few of your top producers to break it down. Create a plan. Lay out a sequence of steps. Clarify the starting point. Set some milestones. Then see if pictures and plans produce better results than pictures alone.

I’d love to hear your comments and feel free to use the links below to share this article with others

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Great leaders have long understood the power of stories. A well-told story can achieve what operations manuals, mission statements, KPI’s and staff meetings rarely do.

Renowned business author and speaker Tom Peters, in his book Leadership, said “A key – perhaps THE key – to leadership is the effective communication of a story”. That’s a big statement, and yet as I continually study great leaders past and present I see the use of stories as one of their primary weapons of choice.

Perhaps you don’t consider yourself a “storyteller”, a “speaker” or a “motivator”. And yet it seems people are hard wired to respond to stories. The evidence is all around us – but unfortunately some of us reserve our stories for parties and BBQ conversations and neglect their power to focus and energise those we lead in the workplace.

Stories that can be retold
Perhaps the real power of stories is that they can be shared again and again. Stories get wings. They go viral. Since moving to New York City I’ve been captivated by the work of charity: water and I’m amazed by their ability to tell stories. Like the story of the Bayaka people whose way of life and means of support have been devastated by the destruction of their environment. With a few minutes of video I’m reminded that I can make a real and lasting difference to a people I may never personally meet. Stories compel action.

Stories that convey the essence of your vision
I was coaching a client recently who was nervous about an upcoming networking event where she would have three minutes to talk about her business. She’d done it once before and was disappointed with the results, after cramming all her “USP’s”, services and packages into a well-honed spiel. As we the conversation changed direction she told me the moving story of one of her clients that she had recently helped to overcome real adversity. All I did was help her to join the dots- that single true story conveyed the essence of her business better than any spiel could.

Stories that leave room for imagination
Please, don’t fill in every blank in your story. Let it breathe. Allow mystery. Nothing takes the fun out of a story (or makes me feel like I’m back in school) more than turning a story into a lesson by finishing with “and the moral of the story is…” We unconsciously push back on the conclusions you draw for us, but we unconsciously accept whatever conclusions we draw for ourselves. Stories can engage the heart and animate the imagination.

Stories that lift and inspire
I’ve been deeply challenged and inspired these last few weeks by the true story of a brother who quite literally gave his life to save his brother. Chad’s life was threatened by an incurable liver condition, so his brother Ryan gave part of his liver in a transplant that tragically resulted in Ryan’s death a few days later. He’s a modern day hero. The story was told on US news channels and has quickly spread around the world. I’m inspired by the whole family’s deep love and personal faith. I’m challenged to be a better husband, a better brother, a better dad, a better man.

So, leaders, what’s the story?

I’d love to hear your comments and feel free to use the links below to share this article with others

Also, click here to find out more about booking Paul Andrew to speak at your event or organisation

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Recently a friend said to me, “Criticism is the death gargle of a non-achiever”. It’s a great statement and I’ve found it to be true. Many years of leadership have given me the opportunity to see the long-term impact of different mindsets on a person’s life. The truth is that all too often those whose criticism rings the loudest are the very same people who have contributed nothing but words. Non-achievers.

It’s easy to be a critic. To pick apart what others have created. To appoint ourselves as judge and look down on those around us. To deflect attention from our own inadequacies by focusing on what we believe are the faults of others. Sadly in Australia, where I live, it is so common in our culture that we created a name for it – Tall Poppy Syndrome.

We’ve probably all sat in business meetings where the culture made being creative nearly impossible. In that environment you quickly learn that bringing an idea to the table is seen by others as invitation to shoot you down. Those businesses often wonder why there isn’t more innovation coming from their team, but they don’t recognise that their critical culture is the silent killer of creativity.

I just spent seven weeks traveling with my family. While we were in New York City I saw a subway advertisement that read “Stupid creates. Smart critiques. Be stupid”. To me it was a great reminder that there’s a certain risk of appearing stupid that comes with being creative instead of critical. But it’s the risk every achiever must take.

Does that mean that we should never be critical? Do we hold back on feedback? No, I believe it’s really about the overall balance of our communication. It’s one thing to offer suggestions on how something could be improved, and another thing altogether for negativity to be your default setting. What’s the theme of your communication? Do you tend to notice and commend what is good, or notice and condemn what could be better? When my team know I am for them and I give encouragement whenever possible I can bring criticism from time to time without becoming “the critic”.

I recently heard speaker Steve Penny say, “I would rather fail tremendously than live dismally”.

To me that’s the bottom line. I’d rather being defined by my creativity than by my criticism.

I’d love to hear your comments and feedback

Plus click “ShareThis” below to post this article to your blog, Facebook, Twitter and more…

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I met a coach recently who had tried to give away $50 notes on the streets of Sydney. I was fascinated as he told the story about how hard it was to give away genuine money to strangers. Some people apparently thought it was a scam. Some avoided eye contact and just walked past him. Others actually crossed to the other side of the street when they saw him trying to hand out cash. What does that say about human nature? Why is skepticism the default setting for many of us? I wonder how many good things have I talked myself out of because they seemed just ‘too good to be true’.

For better or worse, people don’t tend to trust strangers. Think about what that means for your organisation. Too often we focus on the value of our product or service in the way we communicate with our target audience. We tell them it’s the best, the most, the first, the only. But you’ll have to do better than that to convince strangers who would cross the street to avoid free cash. Regardless of how valuable what you’re offering truly is, without trust it mostly falls on deaf ears.

So what can we do to bridge the gap?

1. Build some trust
Trust is foundational for relationship, and relationship closes the gap between us.

• If your goal in sales and marketing was developing trust (instead of pitching how amazing your stuff is) what would you do differently?
• What could you stop doing that has been eroding their trust?
• Who do they trust already and what could you learn from them?

2. Build a crowd
I suspect the $50 trust experiment would turn out differently in a crowded shopping centre. Instead of confronting individuals with my offer, if I was shouting it to a crowd it would only require a few people to decide it was worth the risk and a tipping point would be reached. As people saw others running to a guy who was handing out cash, more and more of them would override their cynicism for fear of missing out on a good thing. Such is the power of a crowd.

• How could you create the stampede effect with your one-to-many marketing?
• What else could you do to enable your core clients to spread the word to the crowd?
• Do people see a crowd when they look at you? Most people don’t want to go first.

3. Build their dream
A friend of mine called Taki is a marketing guru and he often says, “Education builds rapport, selling breaks rapport”. I write The Leadership Coach every fortnight for thousands of people and give it away free, but education has built rapport. So it’s no surprise that most weeks I receive an enquiry about a speaking engagement or leadership workshop as a result of these articles. In helping others build their dreams I’m seeing my own dream built.

• What could you do to help people achieve their dreams?
• Do they see you as a salesperson or partner in their vision?
• How well do you understand the dreams and challenges of those you hope to influence?

I’d love to hear your comments and feedback
Plus click “ShareThis” below to post this article to your blog, Facebook, Twitter and more…

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I flew into New York City for the first time last week and was stunned by the impact that city can make on you, even from the sky. I was in awe, taking photo after photo. Our week there only confirmed that first impression. But I thought about articles I’ve read lately on ‘making a good first impression’ on people that focused only on superficial attributes, as if people somehow fly over you from a distance. One stressed that new employees should have a neat desk, another that you should wear ‘strong’ colours. But is that really how we make an impression on people?

I’d contend that nine times out of ten it’s the quality of our interaction that leaves a lasting impression. Sure, dressing well is ok. But the most powerful impressions, for better or worse, usually come down to how the other person perceives you are relating to them. Did they seem rude? Easy to talk to? Preoccupied? Insincere? Confident?

Too often while we’re focusing on looking the part or saying the right things, the other person is thinking to themselves, “You lost me at hello”. So let’s get beyond dressing for success and harness the power of quality conversations to make not just an impression, but a connection.

1. Be Interested

It doesn’t get more fundamental than this and I must confess it’s an area I’ve had to work on. What I excused as just part of my ‘focused’ personality type for many years actually left people feeling like I was uninterested in them. Ouch. The truth is… people are interesting. But the choice to truly engage in those opening moments of a conversation can make or break all that follows.

2. Ask Questions

If the best you’ve got is “So, what do you do?” then you’ve got work ahead. If your questions can be answered with cookie-cutter clichés then you aren’t asking quality questions. Remember the goal is to create a connection, not just a forgettable conversation. Where might questions like “What’s your background?” or “What do you find most rewarding about your work?” lead a conversation?

3. Listen Intently

As executive coaches we’re trained to listen not only for what is said, but also for what is not said. For many of us, listening is a discipline we need to work on. It’s much more than being quiet while thinking about what to say next. Truly listening to another human being is a way of placing value on them. And if you’re in sales or service you can guarantee that the inability to listen will cost you dearly.

4. Be Genuine

I met some people recently who wanted to know more about what I do. I shared first and after I discussed my values one of them said, “You mentioned authenticity. What does that mean for you?” I answered that it was what I had just done- freely talking about who I am, what I’m about and what I do… before I know whether that’s what they are looking for.

5. Be Interesting

I personally believe that every person is interesting, but we do ourselves a real disservice when we don’t consider what other people might find intriguing about us. Instead of rattling off the same old stuff in conversations why not take it up a gear. “Actually, what I’m really passionate about is…” (insert cause/ problem/ solution/ dream here).

This week… hone the skills of memorable first conversations.

I’d love to hear your comments and feedback

Plus click “ShareThis” below to post this article to your blog, Facebook, Twitter and more…

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Regardless of whether you’ve connected with Twitter yourself or not, you’d have to admit its explosion into the marketplace is a phenomenon worth reflecting on. A feature of Twitter called “Unfollow” got me thinking recently. When you click “Unfollow” you stop receiving messages from that person to your home page, and unless the person has very few followers the chances are they’ll never even know you’ve stopped following them. That’s a picture of leadership.

Whether you are a Twitter devotee or think it’s a fad every leader should consider why people might “unfollow” them. So why do people stop following others on Twitter, and what could that remind us about our everyday leadership in the real world?

1.    Be a conversationalist: Monologue = Monotony
Everything changed when I stopped just making statements and started asking more questions. My Twitter replies went through the roof and comments on my blog increased, all because I invited interaction. The truth is most followers are looking for some level of dialogue, not just a monologue. I heard Mark Scott, the CEO of ABC Television, say “Today if you broadcast but don’t interact and engage with your audience you condemn yourself to irrelevance”. When we stop talking at people and start talking with people we go to a higher level of relationship.

2.    Be interesting: Quality beats quantity
I follow some people on Twitter who only ‘tweet’ once a week, and others who tweet dozens of times a day. The key for me is not how much they say it’s whether I find them interesting, informative or entertaining. I believe quality beats quantity. You can communicate lots if you are high on value for those who listen, but if you add no value you’re likely to find people “unfollow” your leadership without you even realising. It’s important to acknowledge though that one person’s “interesting” is another person’s “boring”.  So leaders need to ask themselves, “What is likely to be interesting to the audience I’m trying to reach?”

3.    Be a source: A giver not a taker
Much of my learning especially on social media and the web comes from articles I find through following gurus on Twitter. I follow them because they are a source of expertise or news. The fact is any leader, who acts as a resource to people whenever they can, will have no shortage of people following them. It’s when we become self-serving that our leadership really wanes. Are you a giver or a taker to those you come into contact with?

4.    Be consistent: Whoever you are, be that
There’s no such thing as a person that everyone wants to follow, so be who you are and be that consistently. Often in trying to be “all things to all men” we end up being nothing much to anyone. So learn what you can about why people don’t follow you, but then get on with being the best you that you can be. I find Ben Stiller hilarious so I’ll happily read his tweets about his goldfish dying, and I think Darren Rowse is a genius on blogging. But if Ben Stiller tried to teach me about the web, or Darren Rowse started tweeting funny events in his day constantly, I’d think twice about following either of them anymore. So who are you?

Ask yourself:
•    How well am I engaging my followers in a true dialogue?
•    How relevant is my communication to those I hope to reach?
•    What proportion of my interaction is a gift not a request?
•    Who am I to those who follow me?

I’d love to hear your comments and feedback
Plus click “ShareThis” below to post this article to your blog, Facebook, Twitter and more…

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For those of you who communicate to audiences of any size, here are some common traps to avoid…

1. Be absorbed in yourself and how interesting you think you are
2. Keep talking long after you’ve communicated your point
3. Don’t have a point
4. Have 14 points (and 7 sub-points and 2 recaps)
5. Hope people will be equipped and motivated by your content even though you aren’t
6. Use clichés constantly
7. Ignore visual cues and verbal feedback that you’re missing the mark, because hey… you’ve got the microphone
8. Communicate only in the style that comes naturally to you
9. Say all the right words but in monotone, while slouching and avoiding eye contact
10. Decide you’ve got nothing to learn about communication

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Conflict is a fact of life when you lead teams. It can be addressed in a way that minimises the pain that conflict creates for people, leaving the team intact and the focus on the future. On the other hand we’ve probably all experienced the devastating damage that teams are plagued by when they handle issues between them poorly.

Without what I sometimes call “The Rules of Engagement” a simple misunderstanding or a minor disagreement can quickly spiral downwards into heated and bitter arguments, spawning gossip and innuendo, becoming excessively personal, embroiling a whole team in the mess, and ultimately making the workplace a really unpleasant place to be.

One simple solution that I’ve witnessed begin the healing process in some wounded teams is a formula I use called “Get It Right”. When teams Get It Right they keep each other responsible for communicating in a way that’s healthier for the team. If we have an issue with another member of the team here’s a way to Get It Right…
1.    Right Time
2.    Right Place
3.    Right Heart

Right Time – Before I launch into my response, I stop to consider if this is the right time. For instance is the other person so busy or emotional right now that they’re unlikely to be receptive? Does this need to be addressed right now or is there a better time? There’s a lot of truth in the saying that ‘timing is everything’ and many disagreements would be resolved sooner if people considered timing instead of simply reacting.

Right Place – If it’s the right time, where is the right place to take this on? The right place has to start with the person I have a disagreement with. Not gossiping with other members of the team, or bypassing the person to complain to their boss. I’d also consider the best location for the conversation. It’s almost always going to be somewhere that others won’t overhear it. Immature teams just ‘have it out’ in front of everybody, dragging others into the damage.

Right Heart – Lastly if it’s the right time and place, is my heart right? Do I need to address my own motives or emotional baggage here? We tend to believe that the other person is simply wrong, but often conflict really says more about ourselves that we’d like to admit. Do I just need to be a bigger person? Would this discussion be better after I’ve given myself a day to cool down and get a little perspective back? That’s a mark of maturity. When we argue with someone and our own heart is not right, all too often they dismiss the truth in what we say because it comes loaded with our personal agenda.

Imagine what it would be like to build that sort of culture in your team. Molehills wouldn’t become mountains. Disagreements wouldn’t destroy teams.  Instead we’d remind each other to Get It Right for the sake of the group. That sounds like a great team to work with.

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When it comes to building great teams, frank is your friend. Not frank the person, frank the quality. Leaders who create environments where communication stays frank (open, honest & clear) set their teams up to succeed.

I’ve coached and spoken for numerous organisations and so observed many different cultures when it comes to communication. Cultures where you don’t ask questions. Cultures where it’s not polite to say what you really mean. Cultures where you don’t tell the boss bad news. Cultures where gossip reigns and people watch their backs. Cultures where no-one dares challenge the status quo.

And yet I notice highly effective teams are mostly quite the opposite. These teams know that things don’t tend to change until someone is prepared to be honest and say “this isn’t working”. Sometimes the most creative thing you can do is simply stop doing something that isn’t working anyway. The energy and time you’ll save can be better spent finding a solution that actually works.

Great teams understand that relationships don’t tend to improve until someone is courageous enough to ‘go there’. Most days I sit face to face with business leaders as their coach, and very often the solution to their so-called ‘people problem’ is simply this – have the honest conversation. Don’t hint. Don’t wonder. Don’t wish. Don’t manipulate. Don’t gossip. Don’t procrastinate. Don’t replace them. Don’t blame someone else. Don’t delegate it. Have the honest conversation.

So, what’s bothering you today that it’s time to be frank about? Frank doesn’t mean harsh… you can communicate clearly without destroying people, overloading emotions, or constantly mouthing off your opinion. There’s a time and place for frank.

What conversations have you been avoiding having? What price have you paid for avoiding them? The price is probably going up for you, for them and for the whole team the longer you allow it to go unaddressed. Simple advice… do it … this week.

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I’ve decided to write a dictionary. Words are power. Words communicate meaning. Words have the potential to hurt or heal, build or destroy, enlarge or shrink, help or hinder.

Human beings are meaning making machines. We interpret the world around us as we experience it and we attach meaning to things as a result. Sadly we often fail to challenge those meanings as we move through life. They become assumptions as though they were immovable laws of reality. As a coach I talk to people every week who for the first time come face to face with the meanings they have created, the beliefs they formed as a result, and the patterns of behaviour they therefore lived by (often for decades) on the assumption “this means that”. But what if it doesn’t?

I want to write a dictionary, for my personal reference. A dictionary of success. What are the meanings I need to attach to events, moments, strengths, weaknesses, people, words…

If words define my world, then as a self appointed Dictionary Author, I must redefine the things that define me

On the hit list for redefining – Failure, Fear, Unlucky, Impossible, Success, Giving, Freedom, Opportunity, Values

OK, I dare you. Take five minutes right now and write list- “What words need redefining in your life?” Challenge your limiting beliefs. Give yourself permission to enlarge the map of your life. Your language is shaping your future.

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