Recently a friend said to me, “Criticism is the death gargle of a non-achiever”. It’s a great statement and I’ve found it to be true. Many years of leadership have given me the opportunity to see the long-term impact of different mindsets on a person’s life. The truth is that all too often those whose criticism rings the loudest are the very same people who have contributed nothing but words. Non-achievers.

It’s easy to be a critic. To pick apart what others have created. To appoint ourselves as judge and look down on those around us. To deflect attention from our own inadequacies by focusing on what we believe are the faults of others. Sadly in Australia, where I live, it is so common in our culture that we created a name for it – Tall Poppy Syndrome.

We’ve probably all sat in business meetings where the culture made being creative nearly impossible. In that environment you quickly learn that bringing an idea to the table is seen by others as invitation to shoot you down. Those businesses often wonder why there isn’t more innovation coming from their team, but they don’t recognise that their critical culture is the silent killer of creativity.

I just spent seven weeks traveling with my family. While we were in New York City I saw a subway advertisement that read “Stupid creates. Smart critiques. Be stupid”. To me it was a great reminder that there’s a certain risk of appearing stupid that comes with being creative instead of critical. But it’s the risk every achiever must take.

Does that mean that we should never be critical? Do we hold back on feedback? No, I believe it’s really about the overall balance of our communication. It’s one thing to offer suggestions on how something could be improved, and another thing altogether for negativity to be your default setting. What’s the theme of your communication? Do you tend to notice and commend what is good, or notice and condemn what could be better? When my team know I am for them and I give encouragement whenever possible I can bring criticism from time to time without becoming “the critic”.

I recently heard speaker Steve Penny say, “I would rather fail tremendously than live dismally”.

To me that’s the bottom line. I’d rather being defined by my creativity than by my criticism.

I’d love to hear your comments and feedback

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I flew into New York City for the first time last week and was stunned by the impact that city can make on you, even from the sky. I was in awe, taking photo after photo. Our week there only confirmed that first impression. But I thought about articles I’ve read lately on ‘making a good first impression’ on people that focused only on superficial attributes, as if people somehow fly over you from a distance. One stressed that new employees should have a neat desk, another that you should wear ‘strong’ colours. But is that really how we make an impression on people?

I’d contend that nine times out of ten it’s the quality of our interaction that leaves a lasting impression. Sure, dressing well is ok. But the most powerful impressions, for better or worse, usually come down to how the other person perceives you are relating to them. Did they seem rude? Easy to talk to? Preoccupied? Insincere? Confident?

Too often while we’re focusing on looking the part or saying the right things, the other person is thinking to themselves, “You lost me at hello”. So let’s get beyond dressing for success and harness the power of quality conversations to make not just an impression, but a connection.

1. Be Interested

It doesn’t get more fundamental than this and I must confess it’s an area I’ve had to work on. What I excused as just part of my ‘focused’ personality type for many years actually left people feeling like I was uninterested in them. Ouch. The truth is… people are interesting. But the choice to truly engage in those opening moments of a conversation can make or break all that follows.

2. Ask Questions

If the best you’ve got is “So, what do you do?” then you’ve got work ahead. If your questions can be answered with cookie-cutter clichés then you aren’t asking quality questions. Remember the goal is to create a connection, not just a forgettable conversation. Where might questions like “What’s your background?” or “What do you find most rewarding about your work?” lead a conversation?

3. Listen Intently

As executive coaches we’re trained to listen not only for what is said, but also for what is not said. For many of us, listening is a discipline we need to work on. It’s much more than being quiet while thinking about what to say next. Truly listening to another human being is a way of placing value on them. And if you’re in sales or service you can guarantee that the inability to listen will cost you dearly.

4. Be Genuine

I met some people recently who wanted to know more about what I do. I shared first and after I discussed my values one of them said, “You mentioned authenticity. What does that mean for you?” I answered that it was what I had just done- freely talking about who I am, what I’m about and what I do… before I know whether that’s what they are looking for.

5. Be Interesting

I personally believe that every person is interesting, but we do ourselves a real disservice when we don’t consider what other people might find intriguing about us. Instead of rattling off the same old stuff in conversations why not take it up a gear. “Actually, what I’m really passionate about is…” (insert cause/ problem/ solution/ dream here).

This week… hone the skills of memorable first conversations.

I’d love to hear your comments and feedback

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Regardless of whether you’ve connected with Twitter yourself or not, you’d have to admit its explosion into the marketplace is a phenomenon worth reflecting on. A feature of Twitter called “Unfollow” got me thinking recently. When you click “Unfollow” you stop receiving messages from that person to your home page, and unless the person has very few followers the chances are they’ll never even know you’ve stopped following them. That’s a picture of leadership.

Whether you are a Twitter devotee or think it’s a fad every leader should consider why people might “unfollow” them. So why do people stop following others on Twitter, and what could that remind us about our everyday leadership in the real world?

1.    Be a conversationalist: Monologue = Monotony
Everything changed when I stopped just making statements and started asking more questions. My Twitter replies went through the roof and comments on my blog increased, all because I invited interaction. The truth is most followers are looking for some level of dialogue, not just a monologue. I heard Mark Scott, the CEO of ABC Television, say “Today if you broadcast but don’t interact and engage with your audience you condemn yourself to irrelevance”. When we stop talking at people and start talking with people we go to a higher level of relationship.

2.    Be interesting: Quality beats quantity
I follow some people on Twitter who only ‘tweet’ once a week, and others who tweet dozens of times a day. The key for me is not how much they say it’s whether I find them interesting, informative or entertaining. I believe quality beats quantity. You can communicate lots if you are high on value for those who listen, but if you add no value you’re likely to find people “unfollow” your leadership without you even realising. It’s important to acknowledge though that one person’s “interesting” is another person’s “boring”.  So leaders need to ask themselves, “What is likely to be interesting to the audience I’m trying to reach?”

3.    Be a source: A giver not a taker
Much of my learning especially on social media and the web comes from articles I find through following gurus on Twitter. I follow them because they are a source of expertise or news. The fact is any leader, who acts as a resource to people whenever they can, will have no shortage of people following them. It’s when we become self-serving that our leadership really wanes. Are you a giver or a taker to those you come into contact with?

4.    Be consistent: Whoever you are, be that
There’s no such thing as a person that everyone wants to follow, so be who you are and be that consistently. Often in trying to be “all things to all men” we end up being nothing much to anyone. So learn what you can about why people don’t follow you, but then get on with being the best you that you can be. I find Ben Stiller hilarious so I’ll happily read his tweets about his goldfish dying, and I think Darren Rowse is a genius on blogging. But if Ben Stiller tried to teach me about the web, or Darren Rowse started tweeting funny events in his day constantly, I’d think twice about following either of them anymore. So who are you?

Ask yourself:
•    How well am I engaging my followers in a true dialogue?
•    How relevant is my communication to those I hope to reach?
•    What proportion of my interaction is a gift not a request?
•    Who am I to those who follow me?

I’d love to hear your comments and feedback
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